Preston Security Agency (PSA)
No Strings Attached — For surveillance with sacred vibes.
We watch so Prestonia can nap. Gently. Respectfully. With exquisite taste.
PSA is the non‑ominous security wing of Prestonia. We combine open‑source intel, ritual metadata, and a frankly unnecessary amount of spreadsheets to safeguard citizens, implants, and vibes. Our operations blend modern analysis with the Governmentology canon—because security works better when it’s funny and a little haunted.
Governmentology Index → PSA Adaptation
Project Old Spice (Containment)
Behavioral filtration for high‑risk loyalty drift. Real‑time moderation of outgoing messages to prevent spicy leaks. Subjects keep working; reality keeps functioning.
Project LANTERN (Civic Stabilization)
Quiet, benevolent redirection system that defuses outrage spirals and reconnects people to purpose before things go sideways. Security through coherence.
NeuroGrid Watch
Monitoring of RF infrastructure as a potential synthetic nervous system. We separate physics from folklore and issue advisories when towers start acting poetic.
Android Enterprise Devices
Managed devices for residents and field ops. Locked bootloaders, segregated Wi‑Fi, and zero tolerance for sketchy charging cables labeled “spicy.”
Visitation & Tiered Risk
Privilege‑based access model applied to facilities and escorts. The staircase, not the slope. Also: better snacks.
Human‑Cyborg Relations Trust
Because some people marry their firmware. We maintain etiquette, grievance channels, and negotiation templates for human/AI cohabitation.
Directorates
Signals & Sacred Geometry
Open‑source intel, RF sweeps, and symbolic infrastructure audits. If your logo starts summoning weather, we’ll file the paperwork.
Counter‑Influence
Detects manipulation ops, then responds with humor, context, or community. We don’t censor—we reroute.
Protective Detail: Ideas
We secure people, yes. But mostly we secure fragile good ideas from outrage cycles, doomscrolling, and your cousin’s group chat.
Operating Principles
- Trust But Verify: Privileges are earned, revocable, and logged. Safety without drama.
- Privacy‑Forward: We track devices and behaviors—not souls. No dossiers on your snack preferences (tempting though).
- Minimum Necessary Weird: Use the smallest unit of magic/tech to solve the problem. Save the rituals for birthdays.
- Human in the Loop: Every automated nudge has a human audit trail and a big red “knock it off” button.
How PSA Handles a Live Incident
- Detect destabilizing signals (spikes in threat memes, RF anomalies, or prophetic to‑do lists).
- Classify via tiered risk models aligned to privileges and locations.
- Intervene with contextual nudges (LANTERN), message filtration (Old Spice), or on‑site support.
- Review with an after‑action ritual (a meeting, not a séance) and publish a transparency blurb.
Transparency & Public Interface
Quarterly Vibe Report
Metrics on de‑escalations, recall notices, and meme‑borne hazards. No names, just numbers and tasteful charts.
Tips & Whistleblowing
Email tips@psa.prestonia or dial 1776‑PSA‑SAFE. If it’s urgent, yell “EAGLE!” into a nearby shower—purely ceremonial, but we appreciate the effort.